emotional investments

i continue to be in love with my job. to attest to this, i had some friends ask me to take a sick day on monday to go to newport with them. as much as i would have loved to have spent a day with my friends, i really didn't want to take a day off.... hmmmm that could only be a good sign eh? not only am i learning a TON and i only have 3 weeks (well, 4 at that time), i really really enjoy my job. some days can seem long and wearing, but in the end i love it. today was a day where i experienced reasons why i love it.

there were periods of intense emotion today which can be incredibly draining. patients come to us with extreme cases of depression. today i witnessed two patients express how they were feeling through many tears. it is SO hard to not want to cry along with them. one young lady presents with cerebral palsy which most likely is related to her depression. as i watched her sob i wished i was able to help take away her pain. she is clearly unable to express her feelings or to identify any sources of comfort to help relieve her. she continues to tell us that she wants to die. the other was an older women with dementia. upon meeting her she was delightful and i loved her bright smile. she began to tear up and was unable to explain the cause. like the other patient, my heart went out to her. i put myself in her shoes and i could only imagine the frustrations. she has NO idea why she is here, her short term memory is distinguishing and she wants to go home to be with her husband who has a poor heart condition and needs her. oh how i long to help these people.

it is hard to see the effects of our treatment on the patients since it is an acute setting and people are usually in and out so quick, however, we had a patient discharged who was with us one time before and was so grateful for all we did for him. he came up to give me a big hug and unfortunately we are not allowed to 'touch' our patients. it was hard to not hug him. luckily he 'knuckled' me a good one. it is such a treat to see this progress appear over time. he had literally changed over night. thanks to the meds i am sure.

it is almost impossible to not get involved in the lives of my patients. i love them. all of them! i have mentioned before that although i am excited at the news of a patient getting discharged, i will most always miss them.

i continue to know how BLESSED i am to be right here right now! i look back at my journey that brought me here and i cannot fathom how blessed i am. i am here! i am an OT-to-be! and i LOVE it! i love this great work. i love being there for people when they most need it. i love building relationships and comforting those in need. i am learning tons still and i cannot believe that this week that just passed marked my 10th week! hooola! and i will have 3 more to go. oh boy! these upcoming 2 weeks my supervisor is out of town and the other student and i will have to take the reigns. a challenge alright- but i am READY baby!!